TITLE: Freefall
AUTHOR: Daphnie_1 (me)
PAIRING: None, it's Gen
RATING: PG
WARNINGS: Spoilers for the S2 Finale
SUMMARY: Can't say much more for fear of spoiling
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Life on Mars or it's characters, they are the property of it's creators and the BBC.
BETA: The utterly fantastic t_eyla. Thank you so much for how much thought you put in! Any mistakes - as always - are my own.
NOTES: Again, please observe the spoiler warning! I don't want to ruin the ending for anyone.



1) Standing Steady

His first day in 1973 is the first time he almost throws himself off the roof of Manchester CID. He thinks it’s what he needs to do to get home.

He can see for miles – what feels like the entirety of Manchester – but it’s not the Manchester he knows. He moves closer to the edge, vertigo clawing at his stomach, and he wonders again if he’s lost it. He wonders if it even matters anymore.

If all of this is a delusion, if that’s all 1973 – this 1973 – is, then surely it won’t hurt?

That Bowie song is still playing in his head, and he hums along under his breath.

He stands on the edge, looking out over the city, and takes a deep breathe. Don’t be stupid, he tells himself, how can it hurt? It’s all in his head.

The air is calm and cool, and he’s almost ready.

The only thing that stops him is the sound of Annie’s voice, and then he realises how scared he actually is.

2) Tierd

The second time is a few weeks later when he’s just tired.

He’s tired of Test Card Girl, tired of Gene Hunt, and 1973 in general.

It’s night-time and he’s cold. The sky is clear and he can see the stars – they are absolutely beautiful. He’s amazed that his mind can create something so perfect.

It occurs to him that if his mind can create this then it can create pain. The rush of air and, the feeling of vertigo as he falls. Even if it’s not real it’ll still hurt. He wonders if that might be okay, If he could do this to get home.

Then, for the first time, he deals, with the possibility that this might all be real. The idea is an alien yet fascinating one, and he knows he can’t jump.

3) Technicolor

Sam Tyler’s dreams are so real, always have been, they’re just so sharp and clear.

He sometimes replays his first day in his head – standing on the roof, Annie trying to convince him not to jump.

It had been so simple then.

The dream does not always go as he remembers it. Sometimes he does throw himself off, sometimes he trips, and sometimes the dream ends as it should and he goes with Annie.

No matter what happens, though, he always wakes, covered in sweat, and filled with the distinct impression that he’s falling.

It usually takes him a few moments to decide which is the memory and which is the dream.

4) Freefall

This time he does jump, because it’s all he can do.

He’s on the roof of Manchester CID in 2007, but nothing seems real anymore. It looks – and sounds – like his life before the accident, but something’s wrong. It’s like he’s watching the telly, but something’s interfering with the signal and he’s just getting bland, colourless static.

He wonders which is real and which is fake: which is Kansas and which is Oz? And he wonders if it would even matter if he knew.

A familiar tune plays in his head, one that’s been haunting him since this whole thing began , and Sam Tyler smiles and jumps.